Shame on me....

I have been the orneriest, nastiest of people the past few weeks. I would have done both the Grinch and Scrooge proud. Nothing could seem to break me from the funk I have been in. It has been awful. Anyone that knows me knows I am normally out making sure that all of the neighbors have goodies and treats, that all of my staff our taken care of, and so on and so forth. My house is always full of Christmas cheer.This year the spirit passed me by and never tried again to catch back up. I guess it didn't have anything to do with the fact that.....

We had to move (AGAIN) two weeks before Christmas.

Eric threw out his back and was down for days during said move.

Had an old childhood friend pass away.

Received a Christmas card that's message was hurtful instead of loving.

Spent a week in and out of the hospital with a dear friend.

Had a that dear special friend finally leave this world three days before Christmas.

Found that I had been so preoccupied with work that I had not finished shopping. Figured this out December 24th.

Christmas Eve found me out last minute shopping for presents and Christmas dinner items, so of coarse this added to my delightful mood.

Whine, whine whine.... if I could have gone any given day without tears that would have been nice.
Everyday all anyone had to do was say something slightly off and I was in tears.Didn't matter if it was at home or at work I was crying all the time. I think my staff thought I was going crazy, my family already know I am there. Really I could have just left and been all by myself for Christmas and I would have been just fine.
But that wasn't meant to be. So I sucked it up and went on. 35 people at my home for Christmas dinner and I did it with a smile on my face, and of coarse a few shed tears.
As I sat here last night enjoying my family on the last day of the year, I realized I needed to look at what I do have. For three weeks now I have been snapping, and cross with my friends and family as they have been trying to support me through such a difficult time. Yet, I should be thankful that I have such an amazing support system. When I lost my special friend I was so sad and although I knew he was now in a better place it still hurts. Yet, I should be thankful I had the opportunity to know and spend the time I did have with him. I am blessed because of it. I have a husband who I have been more then cruel too. Yet, he stands by my side when a lesser man would have walked away.
I have found it interesting and sad how much people have noticed the change in my mood over the past while.I found it nothing but irritating when I was asked what anyone could do to help me. How could anyone even begin to understand the place I was in? Although, I am ashamed of my behavior I am going to give myself a little slack for being human. I figure I can make it up with some cute MLK Day or Ground Hogs day treats in the next few weeks as a nice surprise.