Martha Stewart's Holiday Calendar
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn
upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn
upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for
answering machine.
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for
answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for
consideration.
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for
consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows '95
Debug Windows '95
December 8
Decorate homegrown Christmas tree with scented candles handmade
with beeswax from my backyard bee colony.
Decorate homegrown Christmas tree with scented candles handmade
with beeswax from my backyard bee colony.
December 9
Record own Christmas album complete with 4 part harmony and all
instrument accompaniment performed by myself. Mail to all my friends and loved
ones.
Record own Christmas album complete with 4 part harmony and all
instrument accompaniment performed by myself. Mail to all my friends and loved
ones.
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12
Erect ice skating rink in front yard using spring water I bottled
myself. Open for neighborhood children's use. Create festive mood by hand
making snow and playing my Christmas album.
Erect ice skating rink in front yard using spring water I bottled
myself. Open for neighborhood children's use. Create festive mood by hand
making snow and playing my Christmas album.
December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly
for decorative pie crusts.
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly
for decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case
tires are shot out at mall.
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case
tires are shot out at mall.
December 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same
height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same
height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar
to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar
to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and
cinnamon sticks.
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and
cinnamon sticks.
December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in
last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate
than they really are.
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in
last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate
than they really are.
December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with
homemade potpourri.
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with
homemade potpourri.
December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of myself.
Build snowman in exact likeness of myself.
December 28
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 29
Hand sew 365 quilts, each using 365 material squares I weaved
myself used to represent the 365 days of the year. Donate to local orphanages.
Hand sew 365 quilts, each using 365 material squares I weaved
myself used to represent the 365 days of the year. Donate to local orphanages.
December 30
Release flock of white doves, each individually decorated with
olive branches, to signify desire of world peace.
Release flock of white doves, each individually decorated with
olive branches, to signify desire of world peace.
December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each
time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each
time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
I used to adore Martha for obvious reasons. She can do almost anything. I would TIVO her show so I could watch it when I got home from work and I would actually attempt to do the things she did on her show. That is until one fateful day. Which has nothing to do with her legal problems or jail time. It has to do with Marshmallows. Yes, I said Marshmallows.
I was watching her show one day and she had scheduled to make Rice Crispy Treats. I thought great, I'll bet she has some really cute ideas to do with them. But then she began to make homemade marshmallows. I lost it. I was embarrassed to think I had been faithfully following this women for years. This amazing, organized, make a purse out of a sow's ear women who would spend one hour making marshmallows just to melt in Rice Crispy treats. Doesn't she know she can buy a bag of Marshmallows at the store for 89 cents. Now that's a good thing!!!
Just in case any of you are interested I am including the recipe for Homemade Marshmallows.
Homemade Marshmallows
Makes 40 marshmallows
Ingredients:
2 1/2 tablespoons unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup light corn syrup
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup water
2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
confectioners' sugar (for dusting)
2 1/2 tablespoons unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup light corn syrup
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup water
2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
confectioners' sugar (for dusting)
Directions
1-Combine gelatin and 1/2 cup cold water in the bowl of an electric mixer with whisk attachment.
2-Let it stand 30 minutes.
3-Combine granulated sugar, corn syrup, salt, and 1/2 cup of water in a small heavy saucepan; place over low heat and stir until sugar has dissolved.
4-Wash down sides of pan with a wet pastry brush to dissolve sugar crystals.
5-Clip on candy thermometer; raise heat to high.
6-Cook syrup without stirring until it reaches 244° (firm ball stage).
7-Immediately remove pan from heat.
8-With mixer on low speed, slowly and carefully pour syrup into the softened gelatin.
9-Increase speed to high; beat until mixture is very thick and white and has almost tripled in volume, about 15 minutes.
10-Add vanilla; beat to incorporate.
11-Generously dust an 8x12 inch glass baking pan with confectioners' sugar.
12-Pour marshmallow mixture into pan.
13-Dust with confectioners' sugar; let stand over night uncovered, to dry out.
1-Combine gelatin and 1/2 cup cold water in the bowl of an electric mixer with whisk attachment.
2-Let it stand 30 minutes.
3-Combine granulated sugar, corn syrup, salt, and 1/2 cup of water in a small heavy saucepan; place over low heat and stir until sugar has dissolved.
4-Wash down sides of pan with a wet pastry brush to dissolve sugar crystals.
5-Clip on candy thermometer; raise heat to high.
6-Cook syrup without stirring until it reaches 244° (firm ball stage).
7-Immediately remove pan from heat.
8-With mixer on low speed, slowly and carefully pour syrup into the softened gelatin.
9-Increase speed to high; beat until mixture is very thick and white and has almost tripled in volume, about 15 minutes.
10-Add vanilla; beat to incorporate.
11-Generously dust an 8x12 inch glass baking pan with confectioners' sugar.
12-Pour marshmallow mixture into pan.
13-Dust with confectioners' sugar; let stand over night uncovered, to dry out.
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