The thinning line....

Due to my recent injury I am a lot loopy so I thought I would post an old Christmas favorite.
Originally Posted December 8th, 2008.
I absolutely love Bill Engvall and nothing makes me laugh harder then listening to him do his"Here's Your Sign" bit. Recently I came across my own sign.

Clause to this blog post: This is my opinion and only my opinion, anything I say should not now nor should it ever be held against me in the future, as this is my opinion (: And to any of my friends and family whom may own these beauties, I still love you regardless of your choice of lawn decor.
That being said. The only thing that annoys me more then Christmas Carols being played on Halloween is those ugly blowup lawn displays in such designs as The Grinch, Santa Mickey, Snowmen and what I thought was the worst the Snow Globe with the penguins riding motorcycles in it.
Now I realize that everyone has there own taste before we had these horrible blow up things, we had the lovely outlined in lights displays such as this one. Which have a their own spot on my irritation scale. But nothing instills the urge to commit felony vandalism in me then those blow up eye soars. I would love to take Guido's bow and arrows with some Merry Christmas notes tied to the arrows and take a choice few of them out.

However, in the true Spirit of Christmas I control myself.

Christmas is over commercialized. I am sure I don't have to tell you that as you have all seen it yourselves. The stores with the Christmas isles taking over before Halloween. The toy companies all trying to plug the bigger and better toy, yada yada yada. There still seemed to be some separation even if it was ever so slight between the true reason for Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ and the story of Santa Claus and all of the commercialism that comes with him. Ever year the line between these two things seemed to be getting thinner and thinner. This year I think that line has finally been crossed.
Why you may ask? Well,

Here is your sign!!!

If I ever actually saw one of these on someones lawn it very well could drive me to pull out Guido's bow and arrows (:
This is one nativity I will not be collecting.

Sign of the times.....

What to do? What to do ?

 I have to take a potluck dish to a party this weekend and I am trying to decide which one of these beautiful culinary masterpieces to take.......

Corn Dog Casserole- This is the light version sans the processed cheese topping.

Popper Pie-I think I would use black beans instead of re-fried, to give it just a little bit classier touch.

Velveeta Fudge Squares- Yuck...Nuts!!!Why do people always think they have to put nuts in everything ? I definitely would leave out the nuts.

 

I would have never guessed....

Initially I was so excited because I thought I was going to be able to buy this ginormous beef hot dog ,

for only 50 cents.

Wow!!! I could feed the hungry,

Holy crap!!! What a steal, I wonder how they stay in business.

Oh wait.... Not actual size. Darn it!!!

And...why do I care??? 

I don't eat beef nor hotdogs.
So 50 cents or not I wouldn't buy one anyway.

So fabulous and yet they still don't come in men's sizes....

Why is it that all of the wonderful, flattering fashions we just can't do without aren't available for men? 

You know those fashions that come to us for the low, low price of $39.95

 and if we call now may or may not come with a buy one get one offer or possibly a free t-shirt.

You know what I am talking about things such as the....

These come with this beautiful grey t-shirt.

or the

Shouldn't these come with a free snuggie. Since what girl really wants her bigger butt to show

and what gal could do without one of these.

I know I should start putting my cleavage to use for something.

 I think the puke green with the brown lace is the most flattering.

But I guess I just can't complain when I can go hiking in a pair of these babies.....

I just know my husband and son are going to love when I pull these suckers out on our next hiking trip.

I did however finally come across these and have discovered that they are available in the local Costco.

Dreams do come true.Who needs snow boots?
These babies will slip right on over a pair of Old Navy Flip-Flops.
Frugal and functional in one.

Flashback Friday..... The Thinning Line

Originally Posted December 8th, 2008
I absolutely love Bill Engvall and nothing makes me laugh harder then listening to him do his"Here's Your Sign" bit. Recently I came across my own sign.

Clause to this blog post: This is my opinion and only my opinion, anything I say should not now nor should it ever be held against me in the future, as this is my opinion (: And to any of my friends and family whom may own these beauties, I still love you regardless of your choice of lawn decor.
That being said. The only thing that annoys me more then Christmas Carols being played on Halloween is those ugly blowup lawn displays in such designs as The Grinch, Santa Mickey, Snowmen and what I thought was the worst the Snow Globe with the penguins riding motorcycles in it.
Now I realize that everyone has there own taste before we had these horrible blow up things, we had the lovely outlined in lights displays such as this one. Which have a their own spot on my irritation scale. But nothing instills the urge to commit felony vandalism in me then those blow up eye soars. I would love to take Guido's bow and arrows with some Merry Christmas notes tied to the arrows and take a choice few of them out.

However, in the true Spirit of Christmas I control myself.

Christmas is over commercialized. I am sure I don't have to tell you that as you have all seen it yourselves. The stores with the Christmas isles taking over before Halloween. The toy companies all trying to plug the bigger and better toy, yada yada yada. There still seemed to be some separation even if it was ever so slight between the true reason for Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ and the story of Santa Claus and all of the commercialism that comes with him. Ever year the line between these two things seemed to be getting thinner and thinner. This year I think that line has finally been crossed.
Why you may ask? Well,

Here is your sign!!!

If I ever actually saw one of these on someones lawn it very well could drive me to pull out Guido's bow and arrows (:
This is one nativity I will not be collecting.

Jenn's top 10 ways not to get the job....

10-Put your name on the application

and then write "See Resume" really big across the rest of it

9-Be late to the interview

8-Talk really loud on your cell phone while waiting in the lobby to be interviewed

7-Don't wear a bra or have your bra hanging out of your shirt

6-Show up in a car with a Slumber Party Toys Wrapper on it

and ask to leave some brochures in the lobby

5- Refer to me as Jenny before, during, or after the interview

4-Bring your Mother, wife, girlfriend, significant other

or a big gulp with you into the interview

3-Say you absolutely will not work holidays, nights, or weekends

2- Ask if you will get to work with those cute little retarded kids.

and the #1 way not to get the job.

Show up to the interview in a pair of these!!!Disclaimer: The above situations although altered somewhat are real situations and have occurred over the many years I have participated in interviewing potential employees.At no time EVER did any applicant really not get a position based on any of the above reasons. They didn't get the job for an entirely different set of reasons.

Here's your sign....

I was at the gas station this morning. A guy pulls up in his truck, fourwheelers in the back on a trailer, gun rack loaded with rifles, dressed in a beautiful Woodland Camo jacket, Camo pants, and camo head to toe. He puts his purchase of sunflower seeds, beef jerky, and 4 cases of beer in the counter.

The attendant looks up to him and says "Ya, goin' huntin'."

~~~~Here's your sign~~~~

Truth be told...

Mom can we keep it ???

Mason has been after me forever to buy him a baby bearded dragon. I keep putting him off because I am not really interested in having a baby bearded dragon as a pet. So this weekend when he came in from the back yard with this how could I say no...

We are now the proud owners of a Leaf Bug.They eat for free, they are low maintenance and you don't have to walk them in 30 degree weather.

Old Dogs...

A wealthy Old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his faithful, elderly dog named Killer, along for the company.

One day the old dog starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old dog thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old dog exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old dog nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine! "

Now, the old dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old dog says...
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! "

Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Road Randomness...

What possesses large, over six foot tall men to purchase Mini Coopers?

Is it enjoyable to look like High Tower from Police Academy.

When driving in your car remember that other people can see you picking your nose.

People who wait until the last minute to merge drive me insane.

The lane closed ahead sign isn't a joke- Normally

The flip side is please highway repair people. Please, Please Please

take you signs down when your done with them it is not fun to sit in stopped traffic waiting to merge for no reason, other then Jo worker forgot to turn the sign around.

What kind of person hangs a pair of men's testicles from their trailer hitch?

I have to ask, would you drive your mother around in that car?

Can you imagine that truck being parked in the parking lot at church on Sunday?

I have seen it, I wish I would have had my camera on me.

And the bumper sticker of the week...

If going to church makes you a Christian ~

Does going to the garage make you a car???

Wow, That's a job posting...

Had the Highway Patrolman not been to the side of me I would have totally snapped a picture.

Written on the back of a crane truck belonging to

Christopher's Crane Company LLC

~~~Hookers Wanted~~~

call-1(800)555-1212

So Long Stepford...

So I was just thinking about how excited I was when we first moved to Cedar Hills; yet I am just as, if not more excited to leave. There was something uncomfortable about that home and that neighborhood. I could never figure out what it was until yesterday. As I was driving the big giant U-Haul up the street, it hit me. Things just seemed to perfect, way too perfect. Not that it was bad, just a little to off for me. I finally realized why. The neighborhood reminded me of Stepford, and the women in the neighborhood reminded me of the stepford wives. Not that I am judging them at all, it is just not for me.
So I will return to where I am comfortable, and be happy not to have the perfectness. As I sit here with every muscle in my body screaming at me, I will be thankful and tired and I am going to sleep great for the next week.

What would we do without them...

I took my car into the mechanics to get all the innards checked before our trip and there I made an amazing discovery.
First off, I have to say that I am blessed. Before my brother Brett went out on the road trucking, he worked in a Auto Shop for several years. So I have never really had to pay for any type of maintenance on my car other then for cost. So now that he is traveling all over I asked him where I could take my car and he sent me to a friend of his that has been a buddy for years.
So I am sitting in the lobby waiting for them to finish up my loaner car when I began to make some observations. I looked at the different cars that they where working on. In the shop they had Brett's mustang, a Mercedes, a Nissan, and a tractor. Yes, a very interesting mix of vehicles. I decided to go sit outside. Even though James' shop is pretty clean, I always feel so gross sitting in an Auto Shop, something with the smell association of that greasy, dirty, smell just grosses me out.
Anyway, I am looking at the other vehicles outside. There are a few tractors, a beautiful boat, a bmw, and a truck. Again more randomness in the vehicles.
James wife, Nicole pulls up in her cute convertable BMW. She and I talk for awhile because I haven't seen her since she was dating one of my brothers. She said she was taking James to go and pick up his Range Rover he just got done getting custom fitted.
Now, I am not a huge car person. If I had all the money in the world I would still be driving my Subaru ( Although , I probably would have some sort of convertable fun car for the weekends(:)
But I really came to a realization. As Mason continues to expand his interest in vehicles, there will be no encouraging him to be a doctor or an attorney, I will strongly continue to encourage his interest in car. My boy is going to be a mechanic. That is where it is at.

Disclaimer: Really I would never push Mason into anything.

He can do whatever he wants to in his future. The sky is the limit.

Although, I am really going to try and highlight the fun of autoshop in Highschool.

$1.03 are you kidding me...

I walked to 7-11 today to get away from my desk and out of the office on such a beautiful day. There is a guy, late twenties in front of me. He purchases his $3.00 Energy Drink and his $5.50 pack of cigarettes. Then he asks the cashier for matches. She told him that they do not give out matches anymore, but they sell lighters. Then the following conversation ensues.

He said "Can't I just take one outside, light my smoke and I will bring it back?"

She said "No, they are for sale."

He said "This is such bleep-bleep I cannot believe 7-11 is so bleep cheap."

She said "I am sorry you feel that way, 7-11 is just looking out for the best interests of their customers by not enabling smoking by giving out free matches." ( We'll sell them but will not give you free flame to light them.)

He said " Give me the bleep cheapest one."

She rings it up and tells him the total.

He proceeds to freak out yelling "$1.03 for a bleep lighter, are you bleeping kidding me."

I begin to get impatient and say "Dude, I'll cover your lighter. Just take it and have a nice day."

He said "Thanks, mam." turned and left.

So I didn't buy him the lighter so I could enable him with his smoking. I bought him a lighter because I was really close jumping all over him about the fact that he was spending $8.50 on jacked up sugar water and poison for his lungs (As well as everyone else unlucky enough to have to breathe his air) Yet he was complaining about spending another $1 for a lighter. It makes no sense to me.

Anyway the cashier rang up the lighter and rang up my drink.

I looked at her and said, "$2.63 are you kidding me, can I just take the drink outside for a minute. I promise I'll bring it right back."

She smiled, voided my drink and said " The drinks on us. Have a nice day."

Barbie's 50th...

It is about time it all caught up with her!

A friend of mine sent this to me. I thought it was too funny not to share.

Thanks Margene!

New Diet ....

I think I have discovered a new diet plan. It seems to be working for a friend of mine. She was meeting my sister, some friends and I for lunch yesterday but was really late.
When she finally showed up she was so excited about her shopping trip to Macey's. Apparentley earlier last month she flirted with a stock-boy and got him to promise to sit aside (hide) 3 cases of Cadbury Chocolate Mini-Eggs for her. She had made the pickup and was so thrilled to have this mass quantity of those " Chocolates from hell."
She proceeded to confess that she was eating a bag a day since Valentines day. Yes, one bag in one day. She is a size 2.
I eat one bag that I bought on Valentines Day and just finished last week and gain 10 pounds.
So there must be something to the bag a day concept. Although I do not think I will be trying it anytime soon. Maybe next year.

Springtime in Utah

This is what happens when you put your lawn furniture out to early.

You want me to eat what...

This is the last of the Mason birthday posts. We finally made it to the party. It was a bit of a struggle. What do you do for a 13 year old that isn't kiddie, or outrageously expensive. I thought and thought and finally came up with ...

We did the physical challenge, which was a race while standing on two by fours.
We then did the gross relay. With the black widow jello eat off, egg race, dirty diaper face off, and the marble hunt.
Then we had the eat the gross stuff part. They had 100 year old eggs- Boiled eggs soaked in pickled beet juice, Maggot Jello Balls- jello made with chicken broth and rice inside, Coconut Grubs- Mandarin Oranges soaked in Black dye, and assorted smelly fish.
All topped off with the Cow Patty Cake.
I was so glad that the day turned out so beautiful and I didn't have to do any of it inside my house.What a mess, but what fun. I am so thankful that everything came off as planned and I was able to provide such fun memories for the kids. The boys said they had a blast.